Humintell’s Sayaka Torra recently sat down with Derya Ozes to discuss understanding and managing anxiety. Derya is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at DeryaTherapy and has been in practice for over 10 years.
During their 25 minute conversation, they discussed how the pandemic has affected anxiety management, their personal experiences with anxiety, and more.
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The last several years has been challenging for so many people (myself included) and has revealed the importance of discussing mental health issues and various emotional states. From a therapist’s perspective, how has the pandemic affected anxiety and anxiety management in particular?
Derya emphasized the importance of understanding anxiety and that understanding anxiety is in essence understanding disruptions and change.
Anxiety generally manifests itself in psychological and somatic expressions of worry and fear, especially in situations where we may feel we don’t have a lot of agency or influence over.
Derya states that there’s definitely a relationship between the pandemic and increased anxiety levels. The pandemic caused major disruption and change in many of our routines that make us feel anchored and grounded. These routines were essential in helping us feel a sense of stability in our lives.
When we have a sense of stability, that is when we feel compelled to go beyond our basic survival needs. We develop hobbies and take part in social engagements.
The pandemic essentially invited disruption and change in all the main domains in our life.
When you talk about disruption and change, I think everyone can relate to that. Here in the Bay Area we went through a pretty strict lockdown where we had our daily routines uprooted. Can you speak about how disruptions are critical to understanding anxiety and how disruptions affect anxiety?
Derya states that in order to understand anxiety, it’s important to understand what NOT having anxiety looks like.
Not having anxiety involves a sense of psychological safety. We feel psychologically safe when we have rhythms in place that allow us to feel anchored in our day-to-day and week-to-week.
When those rhythms are taken away, it’s very common to feel psychologically disoriented.
Derya emphasizes that although the word “disruption” may have a negative connotation, there are also good disruptions. In different developmental stages of our lives, we make decisions that invite change such as getting married, having a child, moving a new community, and being promoted.
Did you know? Research shows that it takes on average 1-3 months in order for us to adapt to something new. This pertains to change that we ourselves have invited (known as intrinsic change).
In contrast, if there’s an external factor (extrinsic change) that causes change, it generally takes 4-8 months in order for us to adapt.
Derya emphasizes that part of managing change is managing how much change you bring into your life.
PRO TIP: If you can avoid multiple disruptions at the same time, you should avoid it.
When you spoke about “good disruptions” that really resonated with me. I experienced a lot of anxiety after the birth of my son and it was a huge shift to adapt to my new role as a mom. I was curious to know about your personal experience as a therapist, dealing with anxiety through the pandemic. How has it affected your role as a therapist and how have you managed that for yourself?
Derya said the question reminded her of a conversation she had years ago with one of her mentors. At the time she had multiple disruptions in her life and her mentor reminded her that although she has all kinds of knowledge and tools as a therapist, she’s human first.
Everyone has a different capacity for change and a different way of processing and adapting to change. Something that may be challenging to one person may take them one day to process. For some people it may take weeks for them to process the same challenge.
Derya emphasizes that knowing yourself is important- having an awareness of your own patterns and ways you process emotion.
PRO TIP: If you are anticipating change in your life, be proactive about setting yourself up for success. Put stepping stones to anchor yourself around something.
Derya reflected on some personal changes she’s gone through in the recent past and how those changes have affected her.
Those are all really great tips and some of them I’ve never heard of (see graphic above). Above all, remembering that you’re human first and that sometimes you can do everything “right” and still feel anxious and that’s okay. Do you have any closing thoughts?
Derya explains that oftentimes when we are in an exciting and new part of our lives, we often assume it’s going to be a certain way forever. She emphasizes seeing and validating when the emotional shifts happen.
We often hold ourselves to a very high standard and forget to give ourselves the same level of grace and reassurance we give others. When you’re managing change it’s important to have some self empathy. Be connected to your friends or your special person. Reach out to professionals and have those difficult conversations especially if you’re struggling.